[personal profile] gemkazoni
Post anything you like here, but post it anonymously. It can be something big or small, whatever you feel compelled to. Maybe a (1) story, (2) secret, (3) confession, (4) fear, (5) loveā€”the possibilities are endless. Be sure to comment anonymously, though.

I am feeling a little sick and a little sad right now for no reason in particular. -___-;; I've always wanted to do this meme, and this seems like as good a time as any! MY JOURNAL HAS REACHED 1,957 COMMENTS AND IT WOULD TOTALLY BE AWESOME TO BREAK 2,000. <333

So tell me something! Confess a secret! Strike up a conversation! Spam with me with pretty things! Anything you want. =^__^= This entry is obviously unlocked and IP logging's off. Invite your friends!

Um, also, in case you missed it, my crazy PT fic was updated ---> here! Um, leave me a comment? I am totally NOT a comment hog, guys, but I've only received one so far. -___-;; which makes me afraid that it's not very good :( IT IS MY JOURNAL AND I WILL SHAMELESSLY ADVERTISE IF I WANT TOOO~


"Where are you from?"

Date: 2009-01-23 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I fear I'll be stuck here all my life if I don't get out soon. It hasn't even been three years but that is still far too long for any one place. I tell people that it's because I won't feel alive unless my environment constantly changes. Maybe I'm simply lost. I can never answer the question, "Where are you from?"

Re: "Where are you from?"

Date: 2009-01-24 03:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
I've felt like that too. I live in Texas and I'm basically terrified to stay here any longer than I have to. There's something nothing wrong with wanting to move around -- maybe you just haven't found a place that really suits you yet! I'm sure you will, just try to keep looking. :D

Date: 2009-01-23 11:21 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm not upset that he's moving. I might actually be glad?

It makes me feel terrible.

Date: 2009-01-24 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Awww, I'm sorry. :(

I suppose my response to this would depend on whether he's sad he's moving and you feel bad for him because you feel glad -- or because you just feel glad that he's moving in general and that makes you feel bad....if that makes sense. XD;

Nonetheless, try not to feel terrible about it! We feel what we feel. I'm sorry I can't be of more help. XD;

Date: 2009-01-23 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real."

Date: 2009-01-24 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Me too. <33

Date: 2009-01-23 11:40 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I like helping someone out in need. But when that person keeps telling you over and over, "I'll pay you back for sure." you wonder when the hell that person will do it. It's been almost two years and at this point, I'm not expecting anything anymore now. It sucks 'cause I sure could use the money.

Date: 2009-01-24 03:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Yeah, that's happened to me. :( And then that person gets all defensive and angry when you bug them about it, and it's like HELLO I KIND OF NEED THE MONEY. I'm sorry! All I can say is to just not do them any more favors. :(

Date: 2009-01-24 09:45 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
But when it deals with family and the matter of keeping the roof over our heads, it's difficult 'cause it's unconditional.

Date: 2009-01-24 12:46 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I had a troubling conversation with a long time friend last night. I've always felt a little arguing was necessary in friendships and relationships in general, perhaps since I used to be a complete doormat, especially in regards to this friend. Now they claim that I disagree with them on absolutely everything and do nothing but argue every last thing, because they think I want to show my independence from them.

I honestly don't know what to make of it. I would like to think I'm not entirely reliant on them as I used to be, or some kind of submissive doormat who agreed with everything, but I can never seem to get things on a neutral ground. Now it seems I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum I started from. I'm afraid that agreeing with them a lot is going to put me in the same position it did before. I guess that's kind of stupid, but I thought I'd get it out, anyway.

Unrelated, don't fret about the comments. Especially on LJ, feedback for fics is incredibly sparse. Have you considered posting it on ff.net, too? There needs to be more good!fic there.

Date: 2009-01-24 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Oh boy, can I relate to this. I don't think it's stupid! I've been the exact same way with best friends I've had. Because in rl, I'm always the meek one who does what other people say, I've seemed to attract bold friends all my life who just want someone who'll back them up and always do what they say without much resistance. :( Who, of course, then get angry anytime I try to argue with them.

I'm really sorry about you argument. I suppose all I can say to help would be to explain to that friend what you said here, that you don't want to be their "doormat" and you're not trying to "show your independence", that you just want to express your opinions freely and that's all. If they're a true friend, I would hope they'd understand.

I hope it helped to get it out. :D

And yeah, I started posting it on ff.net today as well! Thanks for the suggestion anyway, anon. <33

Date: 2009-01-24 03:49 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Guys. Would do I ever decide I like one?

It feels like I'm being stupid, like I shouldn't let this kind of thing affect me. It's like an after school special. Still, I've become friends with a great guy at school. He's funny, he's smart, and he isn't bad looking or socially inept either. Whenever I'm with him, I enjoy his company. During breaks between classes, however, he seems five times more interested in another girl. He's more playful, optimistic, and flirtatious around her, and she doesn't act different around him at all. Often times I think she doesn't like him in that way, but they're such good friends. When I look at her, I know she doesn't love him like I hopelessly do, but I know her. If his attitude towards her becomes more flirtatious, then she'll date him for the sake of it being something new and possibly endearing, but mostly for the "new" part.

I've kept this inside me for a long time. I told his twin sister that she had to advocate for me at the beginning of the school year...but I think she's attached to him in different ways, and doesn't quite know what to think [he and his twin are very, very close]. Otherwise...I've tried to convince myself that another heart ache isn't worth it, that I'm just too damn faulted to be liked and have a relationship with someone. But no matter how hard I try, no matter how I refuse to even acknowledge it, whenever I see him my feelings surprise me again.

I'm not afraid of exploding out of my shell. That simply won't happen with me. What I'm really afraid of is...well, I don't know. I'm afraid he'll hate me, I guess, that a confession will just make things worse between us or that I'll pressure him into dating me or that he'll be unhappy because this other girl could be who he really wants.

I must have less sex appeal than a squirrel. What could be so terrible about me? I'm fit. I exercise. I'm a Renaissance Woman, though I'm modest and actually can't take a compliment too well because I'm always self-critical. I'm not hideous, though I guess I'm just not that pretty, not like all the other girls in the school. I suppose I'm not that great at being funny or straight-forward, either. I always embarrass myself.

[Long meme response is long.]

Date: 2009-01-24 05:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Oh man, once again, I can relate to this all too well. It feels like every guy I have ever liked has always been friendly to me, but has also vastly preferred the company of somebody else who is nowhere near as interested in him as I am. ;___;

I know how hard it must be to keep such feelings locked inside. You definitely aren't too faulted to be liked! The only advice I can really offer in this situation is to just wait and see what happens. Are you close friends with the twin sister? If he and her are close, maybe she can try and figure out his feelings for you? I suppose the ideal situation would be to figure out how he feels without actually having to tell him yourself. If that's not possible, though --- hmm. If you just can't stand the possibility of never knowing, then you may have bite the bullet and ask -- I doubt he would hate you, though it may make things a tad uncomfortable. Trust me, I speak from experience. o__o;; If you just can't, then just try to enjoy being near him; get to know him better, share in his interests, and who knows? Maybe something will develop all on its own. <333

Date: 2009-01-24 08:13 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm confused on what I want to do with my life actually. I'm only 21 and can't figure out what I want to do. Is it strange?

Date: 2009-01-25 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
I don't think that's strange. :) You just haven't discovered your calling yet, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just keep your eyes open, and explore possibilities as much as posible. Do you have any hobbies? Is there a subject in school you really enjoyed? Keep looking until you find something that makes you happy. :DDD

Date: 2009-01-24 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I want equality for everyone so badly, but I always feel like an idiot when I don't know how to defend myself. even worse, I'll always have the feeling that my dad is really disappointed in me for going to PRIDE meetings. I'm not gay, just supportive, but still...He doesn't ever have to explain why he is a remarried white catholic male, so why should I have to explain why I am a white female who is supporting equal rights?

(Feel free to disagree with me)

Date: 2009-01-25 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Oh no, I definitely agree with you! I'm exactly the same way -- as in, I'm supportive, even though I'm not gay -- and my mother just doesn't agree. :(

I'm sorry that you think your dad is disappointed, but you definitely shouldn't feel as though you have to explain anything! You believe what you believe, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. :D

Date: 2009-01-26 01:49 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Parents can be basically useless sometimes :C
It just kinda hit me how much he affects me, because when we all went out to a library recently, I didn't rent Rocky Horror Picture Show because I didn't want to start anything with him...and that kinda bites.

Date: 2009-01-24 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
My boyfriend told me he wants to marry me. :( He said that I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and he said that we're made for each other. And he "knows" that.

But I'm 19 years old and I've never dated ANYONE before. Ever. I don't know what relationships are, and I've only dated him for a year. I don't know what to expect or how to act. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know what good relationships are and I don't know what bad ones are. But he's so certain about this, and he asked me if I was comfortable with him proposing sooner rather than later, and it's just fast and scary and kagjioajeijg

He's 22 so I guess it's a little more acceptable for him, but I'm still a teenager. I can't do things like this. I'm not supposed to think about marriage until I'm like...30 D: I can't make decisions, I can't plan my life right now, I can't make huge mistakes like that. And it WOULD be a mistake because he doesn't know what he's getting himself into. I'm too messed up for this kind of thing. I have way too many problems, and he knows about some of them and he seems okay and supportive and wonderfully encouraging and comforting and absolutely PERFECT about them, but I can't allow him to deal with me for the rest of his life. That wouldn't be fair of me.

I'm not worth marriage, I guess? Too screwed up for that. Too screwed up for him, at least. Come back in 10 years when I'm a decent person with my life sorted out and all that :( This is scary and it makes me cry. Boys aren't supposed to love me. They DEFINITELY aren't supposed to want to "spend the rest of their life" with me. Never ever. That's for pretty girls and smart girls and girls who matter and do things right and understand themselves and girls that are confident and witty and self-assured and assertive.

aggieahjkljgklsdjvksljf. I don't know what to do.


Date: 2009-01-25 06:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Oh man. :(

This is really tricky situation. But I can totally understand not feeling ready to get married at 19. I'm nineteen and the thought of getting married now terrifies me. Have you told him how you feel about this? That you're just not ready? He should understand and be willing to wait if he really loves you. <33

I'm really not seeing what the hurry for him is, but he's already proposing, than he must really care about you deeply and truly, and know that he wants to be with you, despite any problems you may have. Your reasoning in the last two paragraphs kind of worries me, though, because to think that you're not worth marriage is sad. :( This guy seems to truly care for you, to want to spend the rest of his life with you! If he didn't want to "deal with you", hon, then I'm sure he would have jumped ship long ago. :DDD

You are worthy of being loved. You are worth marriage. And if you think that it would be a mistake to get married now, that's fine -- but think of what a bigger mistake it would be to never give him the chance!

Give it time, is all I can say. Tell him that you're afraid and not ready, and see what happens when more time passes. But don't shut out the idea altogether! And don't put yourself down so much! Believe in the strength of your relationship. <333

I, um...don't know if this made any sense! Sorry. XD;

Date: 2009-01-24 04:25 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Last night, my best friend and I got so bored that we decided making out would be the only thing actually eventful to do. But the creepy thing is, we're both girls, we've known each other for about 7 years and I actually enjoyed every moment of it.

My only fear now is, will she ever kiss me like that again?

Date: 2009-01-26 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
...I'm not entirely sure what to say about this one. XD; That's great if you enjoyed it, I mean. :DDD Were you guys just reallyreallyreally bored or was there some kind of pent-up tension there?

I suppose all I can say is to just see if your relationship changes at all from this point and just...roll with it. XD;

Wow, this response of mine failed pretty hardcore, didn't it? XD; Sorry!

Date: 2009-01-24 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I miss her so much. Part of me wants to tell her how I think I feel because there are so many signs pointing to her thinking she feels the same way, but the other part knows that wouldn't help. I really, really like the way things are now. And there isn't really anywhere further to go. Wishing won't change that.

Date: 2009-01-26 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Aww, I'm sorry. :( Well, if you're happy with the way things are now, I don't feel as if I should suggest you do anything. Maybe in the future she'll be more open about her own feelings? I suppose all you can do in this case is just wait and see. Who knows what'll happen in the future? :DDDD

Date: 2009-01-25 06:07 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I "like-like" one of my new guy friends. He's sweet, funny, and nice looking. However, this is the first time I've had a crush with this much opportunity before. I'm a really shy girl with dorky tendencies (glasses, straight plain hair, etc.) so it's hard for me to make friends. Much less get a boyfriend. I'm afraid I'll make an idiot of myself telling him or that I'm not appealing enough for him to like me like that. Siiigh.

Date: 2009-01-26 03:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Ah, new crushes. Such an exhilarated feeling. =^___^=

Aww, you shouldn't put yourself down so much! I'm sure you're a lovely person. Just try and be yourself about this guy! Who knows, maybe he's already interested. <333 I would suggest trying to get a better idea of his feelings, though, before telling him. Wait until the right time. :DDDD But be open! You never know what could happen. <3

Date: 2009-01-25 04:44 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I never commented on it, but I'm obsessed with your Princess Tutu video that's on youtube. I think it's absolutely beautiful. I hope to one day make an AMV as good as yours.

Date: 2009-01-26 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
Aww, thank you! <333 I'm glad you like it so much!

Date: 2009-01-26 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
When she left it broke my heart. She was my best friend and I cried for hours and hours. Now, even though I still wish it had been on better terms, I'm glad she's gone. She's not the person I loved.

Date: 2009-01-27 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
When someone leaves, it's always hard at first. :( But I'm glad that it all seemed to work out for you in the end! *HUGS* <333

Date: 2009-01-27 03:10 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Ok, so! There's this guy who had gone to some of the same art classes as me for forever now. I met him when I was 14 or so, maybe younger. But I didn't really know him. A few years passed and we happened to have the same class again. We started talking more this time around and got to know one another. It was nice. We met outside the class, chatted on Facebook. Yada yada. Well I went to the movies with him and my little bro one time and afterwords he presented me witha picture of mine and his character holding hands with a question mark. It was so cute.. but I didn't think I liked him like that.

Now I'm thinking I was scared. I've never had a real relationship(I had tons of boyfriends from 3rd-6th grade, but seriously! those don't count!) and I didn't know what to do. It's been a summer, fall, and half a winter now and I'm thinking ...maybe I was too quick. We're still friends and have a lot of fun. But now I'm getting jealous and worried he likes another girl we met in the same class! Augh!

I don't know if I should bring it up again and see what happened or if I should just let it go... we're going to college in the fall, different states (but what does that matter in this day and age?)...Ooh my, oh my! :C

Date: 2009-01-27 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gemkazoni.livejournal.com
omg! First of all, that is ADORABLE about the characters holding hands. Definitely the best way to show someone you like them I've ever heard. <33

This is a really tricky question. In my opinion, you need to be definitely, one-hundred percent sure that you want something more -- because to bring it up when you're not entirely sure, especially if he still likes you, would probably just end up hurting him more if you eventually decide against it. :( If you're sure you want to try something more, though, then maybe try to ease into it, gauge his reaction? I suppose you would also have to accept the possibility that he may have moved on. :(

But if even if you don't decide to do anything, you guys should definitely stay in touch once you go off to school! Who know? Anything could happen in the future. :DDD

Date: 2009-09-23 05:36 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I was reading through the stories over on the Hey Arnold! fan fiction community, and when I come across an author I enjoy it's my habit to look them up. I saw this post and thought it was just the most fun thing you could probably do on here, just never knowing what people will say. It did strike me though that it turned into an almost sort of advice column, so I thought I'd lighten it up with a true story.


My partner in crime and I are up at 2 a.m. this morning talking away over the i.m. when she says some random guy on my space sent her a message reading "Sub: Hey sexy; Body: Hi". Being the curious person that she is, she goes and looks at his page to find out what sort of weirdo messages someone he's never met at two in the morning. The guy turns out to look like one of those grease monkeys that live in their grandmother's basement, complete with shirtless photo against 1980's wall paper and excessive body hair. Ew.

So being the natural writer that I am, and the cruel creatures my (platonic) love and I morph into when the mood hits, I jokingly tell her she should message back with: "two words; solve the puzzle: cFofkfOu".

She sent it. XD

He replies back with: "so your tell me fuck you is wen your saying to me if you will bee block sin i have a big home and car and good job and wen do you have nothing to show????"

Took us both a bit to figure out what he was trying to say, but we got the gist (I think).

Being in the particular state of mind I was in, I sat back and doled out with: "material worth is for naught, for interest wanes quick, and is not the measure of a man. On the tip of the tongue mind and heart meet, but useless are all three when bleating is all that is to be heard."

She thinks it will go over his head, and I agreed, which honestly was the point. However, I'm not sure how much, or little, he did understand, because he sent back: "so you going ack good to me now or do i have block you".

No joke. The guy honestly said he would block her, when he was the one who contacted. I was near snorting into my hand I was laughing so hard.
I had one last evil little thought, and wrote up: "to block one out implies they want in; a Chess master does not toy with pawns to keep them from his enemy, nor a butcher keep sheep from his knife".

I would have come up with something a little more, and probably changed the ending around (because I distinctly felt like I aught to be struck by lightning for the last line), but my colleague in all that is mischievous rushed me a bit with her "hmmm?" after I said I had something. Only, my "somethings" are half formed ideas that don't take shape until I write them down, which she didn't know. XD So the final reply ended as you see it.

The coupe de grace was when he changed his status to "Scott confused a but all woman", and blocked her. I died all over again. I'd say the guy might actually have some sort of linguistics problem if it weren't for the fact that the comments people left read the same way, so now I'm wondering if there isn't a subculture that's developed a language all their own.

...i don't really know that much anymore.

Date: 2009-12-14 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
okay, so i've had a broken heart for the past ...4? 4 years and i'm tired and stressed and in high school which adds to stress and i'm just...aching. empty. and my friend is so obsessed with being skinny, and she keeps on comparing her body to mine, and i feel like screaming at her to just stop being such an idiot. and i'm mad at her because she shoves ahead of me to show off how skinny she is, and i'm just tired. of everything. and i hate it.
and i know that i sound typical, and so 15 years old, but...i'm just tired of how everything seems so pretend and fake lately. i just want to know if there's someone out there real. and i hate having a broken heart because every single stinking time i breathe, i feel like nothing's in me and i feel sad and hurt and broken and angry and i'm just really, really tired of having a broken heart but i see him everyday. and he never smiles, and neither do i.
(on a side note, i'm sorry for spilling out this to you...but, you know...)



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